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Anxiety

Anxiety

Anxiety

By Samantha Ramirez, PT, DPT

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Anxiety is not cute. It’s not fun.
You don’t say you have it to get laughs.

Anxiety is being 10 years old,
crying yourself to sleep,
with too many emotions,
for your little body to handle.

Anxiety is being rushed to the ER at 3 am
because your worries got so bad
you made yourself sick.

Anxiety is feeling alone in your thoughts
because in your Hispanic household,
mental illness is not real.

Anxiety is being labeled the problem child
even though you were feeling so many things
at once and just wanted someone to hear
your cries for help.

It’s not cute. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is being terrified
that everyone you love is mad at you
though you did nothing wrong.

Anxiety is learning to be a people pleaser
before you learn how to tie your shoes.

Anxiety is keeping yourself awake at night
replaying every conversation you had that day.

Anxiety is avoiding talking to anyone
so you don’t have to lie awake at night.

It’s not cute. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is panic attacks
in the darkness of the restroom,
hoping and praying you’ll be able
to breathe again soon.

Anxiety is going to therapy appointments,
worrying about everything else
you should be doing.

Anxiety is having a breakdown
because the day didn’t go
as you planned.

Anxiety is dissociating
to keep yourself from feeling
100 emotions at once.

Anxiety is being medicated
in order to function.

It’s not cute. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is developing
an unhealthy obsession
with academic validation.

Anxiety is coming home crying
because you got your first B
and felt like a failure.

Anxiety is convincing yourself
that you aren’t going to get into college
even with a 4.0 GPA.

Anxiety is believing that doing your best
isn’t enough, that your value depends
on your grades.

It’s not cute. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is telling yourself that you’re not
cut out for your dream career
because you failed your first practical exam.

Anxiety is wiping tears and snot from your face
while driving home because you believe
everyone else in your class has it figured out
and you don’t.

Anxiety is getting praise from mentors,
still second guessing every decision
you make in the clinic because
you’re terrified of doing the wrong thing.

Anxiety is breaking down in the shower every night,
your one safe space, thinking you’re letting down
everyone in your life.

It’s not cute. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is learning to give yourself grace
because you’re surviving while fighting
against your own brain every single day.

Anxiety is accepting you’re not alone in this fight
and your feelings are not a burden
on the people you love.

Anxiety is realizing that as much as you hate
feeling things so deeply, you also feel love
and happiness just as much.

Anxiety is learning to acknowledge
all the amazing things you have accomplished
instead of what you haven’t.

Anxiety is recognizing that as bad as a day,
panic attack, or emotion overload might seem,
the sun always comes up again the next day,
your tears always dry,
your mind always quiets.

It’s not cute. It’s not fun.

It does not define me.

About the Author(s)


Samantha Ramirez, PT, DPT

Samantha Ramirez, PT, DPT was born and raised in Upland, California. She graduated from San Diego State University in 2019 with a BS degree in Kinesiology and just recently received her clinical doctorate in physical therapy from the University of Southern California in May of 2024. She is currently a physical therapist at Precision Sports Physical Therapy in Sunnyvale, Texas. Her clinical interests include sports and orthopedic rehabilitation, with a special interest in overhead athletes. Professional interests include ethical and diversity issues within the healthcare system, along with a commitment towards the continued conversation surrounding mental health. Samantha enjoys being active, playing and watching sports, and reading in her free time.

 

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